Tag Archives: stealth

Even that dress can’t protect you from security guards.

6 Jul

To finish off this patriotic week, let’s talk about landmarks for a moment.

or you could be so busy kissing you're not even looking at any of the scenery

It’s totally not cheating if you just look at the historic things through the window instead.

Here in New England, especially around Boston, you can’t spit without hitting some kind of historic site (not that we’re recommending spitting during your wedding, but that’s your prerogative. Hopefully you already taste-tested the champagne). Wouldn’t it be nice, many people think, to get our formal photos taken at one of these landmarks — say, the USS Constitution?

Sure! Having formal photos taken at well-known places is a great, fun idea — it’s a relatively unique location for that purpose, it adds your life into the historic timeline of that place, and you can be sure the visiting tourists are going to love it. If you have a strong connection to your city, or even a specific site in that city, taking photos there is a wonderful way to express that.

BUT. There’s a reason these places are well-known, and as we all know from reading celebrity gossip, a high-profile existence necessitates some kind of security presence. Will Smith probably never leaves his house without security guards, and the same goes for the nation’s oldest warships, or internationally-renowned museums, monuments, or whatever else serves the historic purpose in your personal town or city.  So don’t be surprised when you show up and have to go through the same security process as everyone else. Yes, weddings do tend to inspire a lot of special treatment from the general public, but security guards are there to do their job, even if they’re going to admire your floral arrangement from afar later. Even if you’re all decked out in your formalwear, with an entire bridal party in tow, they’re still going to give you the standard patdown — though they might be a little more cautious than usual with your extra-special clothing.

By all means, schedule your formal photos for that one special place, but just make sure your gown can fit through the metal detector.

In a pinch, sleeves double as secret tissue holders.

15 Sep

Fashion statement … or the fanciest Kleenex box on the Eastern seaboard?

The once and future sick brides of the world thank you, Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, for bringing back the wedding dress with SLEEVES.

See, germs don’t know it’s your wedding day. Or, more likely, they don’t care. Germs never seem to give a damn about anyone but themselves. Either way, no matter how many prayers you offer up to the gods of the immune system, there’s no universal law that says you can’t be sick on your big day. Of course, we’d hope you’d be doing your best to avoid this fate — lots of Vitamin C, getting enough sleep, and maybe not indulging in celebratory drinking every. single. night. for two weeks before your nuptials — but if somehow you find yourself, two hours before the ceremony, with a nose doing its best impression of an overwhelmed floodgate, there’s no need to panic. Grab a few tissues and tuck them right into your sleeves. It’s easy access, they’ll blend right in with the dress (or you can hide them behind your bouquet, if you’re extra paranoid), and trust us, nobody is going to be giving your wrists a terribly close inspection. You can disguise a frantic nose wipe as a gracefully corralling of a rogue strand of hair, and no one will ever be the wiser.

If you’re wearing a strapless dress, well, you’re on your own there, darling. Looks like you may have to resort to our good old college friend, the emergency cleavage pocket. Either that, or you’ll be sneezing into your bouquet. When in doubt, blame it on the baby’s breath. You didn’t even want it in your flower arrangement in the first place!

It also might be wise to mention this strategy to your parents, and any other friends or relatives you anticipate might break down into sniffling messes during the ceremony. It’ll be much better for everyone if they use their sleeves to hold tissues, rather than as the tissues. Because nobody wants a dance partner with snot all over their wrists.

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