Tag Archives: dresses

Not Invited? Maybe You Should Thank Them!

29 May

That’s a lot of plane tickets. And at least six dresses no one will ever wear again.

We’ve already talked about the angst involved in paring down the invitation list to a manageable number, and whether it’s in your best interest to let people know who aren’t being invited so they can make other plans for that Saturday a few months from now.  That and the cost of your wedding are almost certainly the most intense contributors to your pre-nuptial stress.  Everybody knows that weddings can be an expensive proposition, setting back those paying the bills an average of around $28K in the US.  There’s the dress and the venue and the music and the food and the photography (sorry!) all adding to the price of entry.  And according to The Knot, about a quarter of this year’s weddings will be of the destination type, requiring travel to exotic locales.  But I have to admit I hadn’t given any thought to how expensive it is for those whose only responsibility is to show up and express their love and/or affection for the couple getting married.  Maybe that’s because I get paid to go to almost every wedding I attend, rather than having to shell out a substantial part of my monthly take-home pay in order to enjoy a free dinner and some dancing.  (And it could help explain why getting a plate of food from some caterers is like asking for their first born child; they know I got in for free!)  But thanks to one of my favorite fellow bloggers, I now know it’s no small decision whether to accept an invitation when it means you might be eating ramen for the rest of the month as you pay off your bills.

According to a survey by American Express, 69 million of us will attend a wedding this year and the average guest (there must be a better way to phrase that) will need to part with $539 (up fifty percent over last year!) to say yes to that lovely engraved invitation.  How can that be true, you might ask?  The math is pretty simple, actually.  About a third goes to travel, a third to something new to wear, and another third for the wedding gift.  Now clearly you can cut some corners on this, but it’s still a considerable commitment when you consider that the average (ouch! there it is again) wedding guest is in their mid- to late twenties and not yet at the top of the earning pyramid.  And if you have the (mis?)fortune to be tapped to be in the wedding party, you can rack up even more renting a tux or (in the case of bridesmaids) buying a dress you wouldn’t be caught dead in again at anything but a zombie costume party.  More than two-thirds of bridesmaids say they will either give their dress to a thrift shop or family friend, and the other third probably lied to the person taking the survey.  At least the guys get to take their outfits back so someone else can pay to wear it.

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Which brings us to the curious case of Christopher Sledzik.  Yes, THAT Christopher Sledzik (the guy on the right in the picture).  The one who attended twelve weddings last year, three as a member of the bridal party, at a cost of somewhere in the neighborhood of $10,000.  Well you might ask if Chris sold his internet startup for a billion dollars or is the sole heir to a Saudi oil fortune, but no.  He’s a 27-year-old guy with a good job who really wanted to be there for his friends, even if it meant putting that entire $10K on a credit card he’ll be paying off for years.  If there were a poster child for Most Devoted Wedding Guest Ever, he would be found in that photo above.

So I promise I’ll be more understanding the next time a caterer seems a little reluctant to give food to me, one of the chosen few who will be better off financially when the last dance is over.  And I’ll be sure to remember Chris Sledzik.

What do you think?  Have you had to pay too much to attend a wedding?  Is there any way around this, especially for the wedding party?  And are you one of the few bridesmaids who has actually worn the dress another time?  Once again, we’d love to hear.

My Pinterest and Facebook always say yes to invitations!

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Everything To Excess

5 Apr

Is that veil long enough?

We’ve written plenty in this blog about reducing wedding related stress, and one of the most wrenching decisions for any couple can be: how much is it going to cost?  How much can we afford to shell out?  Do we want to put ourselves in hock for the next five years just to throw a party?  And these are big decisions.  The WIC (wedding-industrial complex) spends a great deal of its time (and money) to convince you to spend a lot of yours in the relentless pursuit of perfection, giving you a full accounting of all of this season’s Must Have’s and Must Do’s.  It’s enough to make you want to elope.

But thanks to our friends at Forbes, we can put everything in perspective and count our lucky stars we don’t have the problems the billionaires lose sleep over.  Think about it for a minute.  What if you could do literally anything you wanted, spending without limits?  When would enough be enough, and would there ever be too much?  If you could drop $100,000 on your dress like the one worn by Melania Knauss (the third Mrs. Trump) instead of straining to come up with $5,000 for yours, would you?  Or pity Petra Ecclestone, the daughter of billionaire Bernie Ecclestone, who spent $3 million on musical entertainment that included Andrea Bocelli and the Black Eyed Peas.  Would the Dropkick Murphys have given her more bang for her bucks?  She also had five thousand white roses for decoration, which may have been why The Donald made sure there were ten thousand flowers at his wedding.  If there was a six-foot cake (wonder how much of it was real) at his second wedding, would a ten-footer be adequate at the third?  And the guest list?  Three thousand of your closest friends including A-list celebs, with secret locations, security staff, paparazzi, and closed air space.  Be thankful you have limits.

But the top one hundredth of one percent shouldn’t have all the fun and leave us to choose which thrift shop dress or high school friend DJ we want at our weddings.  No sir, we can spend foolishly too, just not on the scale of the filthy rich.  Here are a few predicted wedding trends from New England Bridal Affair:

  • Fun Factor – Snow cone machines, old fashioned popcorn carts, bocce ball – these things do not exactly come to mind when you think wedding. That just might change in 2013 (or not).
  • Return to Elegance -  DIY, shabby chic, and rustic themes have dominated the wedding scene for the past two years, but as wedding divas like David Tutera flood the mainstream media airways, brides are exposed to more elaborate and glamorous table settings changing their idea of their dream wedding. There are ways to create an elegant wedding without spending six figures (nice to hear six figures isn’t de rigeur).
  • Unusual Venues – This year, we predict warehouse and other non-traditional venues will be a popular choice among brides and event planners. Using pipe and drape, lounge furniture, and lighting, any venue can be transformed into the bride’s dream (or nightmare?).
  • Glamping – Think grown up summer camp. Ultra luxe safari-style wedding tents with liners, heaters/AC, lighting, and greenery are highly popular right now with celebrities and brides. Think camping meets glamorous (velour pup tents?).

So be prepared to drop not quite six figures on snow cone machines set in a glamorous luxury safari tent inside a warehouse.  There you have it.  Very 2013.

I’m dedicated to speaking to (and sometimes for) those of us who live on this planet.  My advice?  Take a deep breath, ignore as much of the nonsense as you can, and imagine a wedding that reflects the two of you, not what the glitterati and trend-setters say it should be.  If your style is a beach barbeque and a cake fight, you’ll have a much better time than those billionaires who are worried about whether a sixteen foot veil is long enough (Trump’s third wedding).

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My Pinterest and Facebook won’t break the bank!

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Not Those Bridesmaids! Yours.

27 Mar

bridesmaids-movie-cast

Seriously now, would you really want any of these characters in your wedding?

The selection of your bridesmaids can be without a doubt one of the most nerve-wracking decisions you’ll make when you plan your wedding.  How many is too many?  Can you really leave one former roommate out when the other one is a lock?  And what relatives will have their noses miles out of joint if they don’t get the call (especially if they hail from the groom’s side)?  I know from personal experience (my own wedding) the bruised feelings left over from the Bridesmaid’s Draft can last several seasons.  I sympathize, and (for the first time) don’t claim to have all the answers.  These are gut level decisions about who stays on the BFF roster and who is relegated to “just good friend” status.  As I always recommend, go with what works for you and hope people understand.  The wedding is still about you, and when you’re exchanging vows you should be surrounded by those you love the most.  (SOOOO easy for me to say as a member of the other gender.)

But I can offer some wisdom about how to treat those ladies after you’ve picked the team.  The point is: they ARE the people closest to you on your big day, both physically and emotionally, so don’t torture them!  The goal is for them to look gorgeous as they walk down the aisle and stand with you, basking in your reflected glory.  And in order to look the way they appear in the bride magazines, they have the same dress draped on their perfectly matched figures.  But wait!  That’s the wedding industrial complex speaking, not the voice of reason.

So your NCAA point guard sister is supposed to wear the same dress as your best friend the ballerina? Let us know how that one goes. Yes, that strapless dress (you know the one. It’s the one every bridesmaid has to wear – the one that looks like she got caught in her towel on the way to the shower) looks great in the photo – where some size 2 model is standing still. Once your real-life bridesmaids start moving around, or breathing, or having any kind of discernible bone structure, that dress will not look the same. It gaps in the front, it slips down in the back, and worst of all, it will wreak havoc on your pictures. In nearly every shot, it’s guaranteed that at least one of your lovely bridesmaids will be frowning down her cleavage, elbows chicken-winged out to the sides while she yanks up the seams of that pretty, pretty dress in an effort not to be the wardrobe malfunction that ruins your wedding.

These ladies are your friends, so don’t put that kind of pressure on them. Just let them be excited for you, drink a few too many glasses of champagne and make out with one of the groomsmen. And for the love of chiffon, give them the sartorial freedom to do it.  I’ve seen some very mellow wedding parties where the bridesmaids were given a color and a choice of a few styles, and then picked out their own dresses.  That way Jessica Simpson doesn’t have to try to look like Anne Hathaway, and vice versa.  The dresses fit, they look fabulous, and all your besties have the time of their lives.  And you can have a secret selfish motive, because when you get invited to be in one of their weddings, she’ll remember how well this worked at yours.  Even if she does look like Melissa McCarthy.

My Pinterest and Facebook are always a good fit!

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A Very Oscar Wedding? Or Just a White Dress?

1 Mar

It’s interesting to me that we associate white dresses so directly with weddings that it’s near-impossible for any woman who’s already hit puberty to wear a white dress without some comment about how it looks “bridal.” We don’t say that a young woman wearing a green sundress looks like a Christmas tree, or anyone wearing blue is clearly a police officer. And yet, whenever a famous lady shows up at one of the gazillion awards shows wearing something longish and white, everyone’s off about how it looks too much like she’s trying to send a message (although, Amy Poehler? Anytime you’re ready to get back on the market, I’m here).

Here’s the thing, though — just because something is seen as true now, it doesn’t mean it was always true. This applies to everything from smoking being an acceptable weight-loss strategy to “marriage is between one man and one woman” (yeah, I went there, history revisionists). In fact, brides in western culture didn’t start wearing white in a serious way until the late 19th century, when fashion icon Queen Victoria popularized it. Back in the day, wealthy brides wore their fanciest, most colorful clothes to show off — in any color they chose. Black was even popular in some parts of northern Europe before the Victorian era. They must’ve had a hard time keeping their funerals and weddings separate — unless maybe they wore white for funerals? [insert corny outdated joke about weddings being like a funeral for your single self here]
someecards.com - There's nothing more magical than a wedding dress that looks like something I should be buried in.

And this is still primarily a Western thing — many brides from eastern countries like China, India and Pakistan wear red at weddings instead, because it’s the color of good luck. I think it’s a much nicer sentiment to have one’s choice of clothing on a wedding day invoke positive thoughts about luck and happiness, rather than dubious states of virginity (or the lack thereof), but that’s just me.

She certainly doesn’t look like she’s about to burst into flames. Into tears, maybe, but that’s a different issue entirely.

In any case, the point is that it seems more than a little lazy to me when people orbiting the strange star at the center of the fashion world resort to describing every single white dress they see as “bridal.” Just because a dress is white does not make it bridal, the same way an all-orange outfit doesn’t automatically make the wearer a convicted criminal.

Which brings us back to the Oscars, which was really the whole idea behind this thing. I don’t intentionally watch all of that red carpet pre-show nonsense, but when it’s on in the house, it’s hard to ignore all the loud noises and name-dropping. I was struck by the fact that every time an actress appeared in something even close to a white shade (maybe it’s eggshell? Taupe? I can’t tell — my eyes are going as it is), the desk of self-appointed jurors felt the need to comment on its levels of marital hinting. And yet, despite the fact that every single man attending the Oscars shows up like he’s on his way to the altar, not once did I hear anyone mention potential marriage plans. Seems a bit imbalanced, if you ask me.

But let’s ask you! What did you think about the light-hued Oscar dresses? Anyone look like she should switch with Julia Roberts circa Runaway Bride? Here are a few snaps to refresh your memories — do any of them really look like she’s missing a veil, or are we all just projecting?

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Bridesmaids Dresses

23 Jan

Would you do this to your BFFs?

Five pounds of tulle, poofy sleeves, shiny fabric, silk umbrellas and straw hats: a foolproof recipe for an ugly bridesmaid outfit.  These would be fine for a Gypsy themed wedding, a 70′s disco or a Disney princess convention.  But really, for your wedding?

ugly blue dresses

And your NCAA point guard sister is supposed to wear the same dress as your best friend the ballerina? Let us know how that one goes. Yes, that strapless dress (you know the one. It’s the one every bridesmaid has to wear – the one that looks like she got caught in her towel on the way to the shower) looks great in the photo – where some size 2 model is standing still. Once your real-life bridesmaids start moving around, or breathing, or having any kind of discernible bone structure, that dress will not look the same. It gaps in the front, it slips down in the back, and worst of all, it will wreak havoc on your pictures. In nearly every shot, it’s guaranteed that at least one of your lovely bridesmaids will be frowning down her cleavage, elbows chicken-winged out to the sides while she yanks up the seams of that pretty, pretty dress in an effort not to be the wardrobe malfunction that ruins your wedding.

These ladies are your friends, so don’t put that kind of pressure on them. Just let them be excited for you, drink a few too many glasses of champagne and make out with one of the groomsmen. And for the love of chiffon, give them the sartorial freedom to do it.

If you’re planning a wedding and you haven’t seen it yet, you might want to rent “27 Dresses”. Poor Catherine Heigl is always a bridesmaid and never a bride, so she ends up with twenty-seven ugly bridesmaid dresses crammed into a small NYC apartment closet. What I don’t understand is 1.  How can anyone have that many best friends? and 2. Wouldn’t you think she would have learned to say no after maybe a dozen of them?

But hey, I’m not a movie critic, I’m a photographer.

I understand you’re a bride, it’s your wedding day and you want to be the most beautiful woman at the wedding. However, does putting your bridesmaids in ugly dresses make you more beautiful? Not really. It just puts you next to ugly dresses in every picture. In fact, when people look at your wedding album they might end up paying more attention to those horrible dresses than to you.

Bridesmaid dresses are so notoriously bad that contests around the globe are held to find the worst.  It’s not a contest you want to enter, much less win.

My Pinterest has more wedding tips!

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Not virgin enough for white? Think pink!

18 Jan

indian weddingFor those of you who aren’t hoarding wedding magazines or US Weekly, you should know by now that not all wedding dresses are white. I’ve seen gowns that occupy many other zones of the rainbow: red, pink, off-white, multi-colored, and sequin-covered.  In a bygone (thank God) era, even tie-dye dresses made a fleeting appearance, leading to wedding photos that are best taken out only when no one else is around (especially the children).

jessica biel wedding dress pinkAnne Hathaway and Jessica Biel reminded us that you all like pink and not every bride is “virgin” enough to want to wear white (or advertise that fact).  And speaking of celebs, here’s a slideshow of brides who didn’t wear white. But normal, non-famous people can certainly get into the act and exercise their inner Lady Gaga.

I’ve been to Vietnamese weddings where the bride wore multiple gowns, each in a different color. I’ve photographed Indian and Mexican weddings where the bride wore red. I’ve also seen zombie weddings where scarlet “blood” adorned the white dress and Disney weddings where hints of blue poofs decorated the gown.

So as always, my advice is to follow your instincts and your personal muse.  The wedding, and especially the dress, should be entirely for you, not for some relative who clings tenaciously to every ancient tradition like the Countess of Grantham.  After all, the gown is the closest thing to you at your wedding, and it should be the start of feeling good about everything.  Not everyone has to try to look like the Duchess of Cambridge (although we can dream).  If pink is you, by all means go for it.  One additional benefit: it’s insurance against that little splash of marinara sauce that finds its way to the front of your dress rather than into your mouth.

My Pinterest has more fashion tips!

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Just how DIY are you?

6 Aug

Fabulous fellow WordPress blogger Elena at Seamless asks the question of the day: Would you skillful seamstresses out there ever agree to sew a wedding dress for someone? Personally, we get nervous enough just looking at gowns — we can’t imagine taking on the pressure of being responsible for how the thing actually looks. That’s why we choose to stay safely behind the lens, thank you very much.

Is it worth it to help out a friend, or should some of these tasks be left to the professionals?

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The bridesmaids are your best friends. Let’s keep it that way.

14 Jun

So your NCAA point guard sister is supposed to wear the same dress as your best friend the ballerina? Let us know how that one goes. Yes, that strapless dress (you know the one. It’s the one every bridesmaid has to wear – the one that looks like she got caught in her towel on the way to the shower) looks great in the photo – where some size 2 model is standing still. Once your real-life bridesmaids start moving around, or breathing, or having any kind of discernible bone structure, that dress will not look the same. It gaps in the front, it slips down in the back, and worst of all, it will wreak havoc on your pictures. In nearly every shot, it’s guaranteed that at least one of your lovely bridesmaids will be frowning down her cleavage, elbows chicken-winged out to the sides while she yanks up the seams of that pretty, pretty dress in an effort not to be the wardrobe malfunction that ruins your wedding.

These ladies are your friends, so don’t put that kind of pressure on them. Just let them be excited for you, drink a few too many glasses of champagne and make out with one of the groomsmen. And for the love of chiffon, give them the sartorial freedom to do it.

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